Friday, February 08, 2008

The Automatic 2nd Date by Victorya Michaels Rogers

Okay single ladies, you've been writing, emailing and calling me about how I managed to get 98 of 100 guys to ask me out for a 2nd Date. So I finally wrote down all my secrets just for you. These secrets can and will work just as effectively for YOU as they did for me!

~~Victorya Michaels Rogers, Author The Automatic 2nd Date


Q: Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date?


VICTORYA: If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.


Q: You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?


VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.


The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.


Q: In Automatic 2nd Date you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.


VICTORYA: I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you—be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center. As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around — and introduced to — available men.

Q: You say the three-second flirt is a great way to get noticed. How does it work?


VICTORYA: Flirting is the easiest way to get a man’s attention! When you find someone who intrigues you, by all means, FLIRT with him! I have a lot of dating tips in The Automatic 2nd Date, all of them improve the number of call backs you get for 2nd dates! But THIS secret—the 3-second Flirt--dramatically increases your number of first dates so you can get a shot at 2nd dates! To get that first date, you’ve got to capture his attention by making eye contact. Eye contact is huge because indeed the eyes are the window of the soul. So here’s a quick lesson on flirting. The next time you’re in a “target rich environment” of potential dates, slowly scan the room with calm, soft eyes, resting your eyes briefly on any man who captures your attention, then casually glance for a bare ring finger. If the finger is bare, lock into a gaze for your three-second flirt... Add a slight smile or grin, and then casually look away. You can repeat it several times to make your point that he indeed intrigues you. But no more than a 5 second glance at a time or you will borders on creepy.


Q: So let’s say your flirting has landed your next first date. What are some definite “Do’s” to keep in mind when that first date arrives?


VICTORYA: Here are my top five “Do’s” on your first date—look and act your best, lighten up and laugh, flatter your man, look at your man, and listen to your man! 1) First, you obviously want to look and act your best 2) Second, be sure to lighten up and laugh with your date 3) Third flatter your man with genuine praise when you notice something that merits a compliment. 4) Fourth, An ultimate compliment to anyone is to be given undivided attention. So look at your date, eye to eye, and let him know your attention is on him, not on the distractions around you in the room 5) And last but not least, listen to him! Ask your date a lot of questions about him then truly listening to his answers. As with any human being, your date is his own favorite subject, so he’ll be sure to have a great time if he is the main topic, and besides you WANT the information he reveals so you can figure out if you two are a match long before you are emotionally involved. These 5 Dos will do wonders at ensuring a request for a 2nd date!


Q: So Victorya, the first date is over. Now what? Does The Automatic 2nd Date offer advice on what to do AFTER the date? Such as can you call or text your date the next day to thank him?


VICTORYA: No, no, no. Do NOT call or even text your date before he contacts you! When the first date is over, just relax and go on with your life, no matter how much you are into your new man. Sure you can and should thank him at the end of the date, but no need for a follow-up thank you unless HE sends you a thank you gift. (Even if your romantic date was as incredible as a ride in a helicopter to see the lights of downtown, it is in your best interest NOT to call him the next day. If he’s treating you like that, you certainly don’t want to scare him away by chasing HIM.


Q: So you’ve given us ideas on how to do well one we’ve got a date. In the meantime, how does a confident single gal survive a dateless Valentine’s Day?

VICTORYA: There are great ways to spend a dateless Valentines that can actually put you on the path to ultimately find your man worth keeping! Here are 4 quick tips:


1. On Valentine’s Day you have permission to do something to spoil yourself a little. Don’t go crazy. Just give yourself one treat. Carve out time during your day, even if it has to be on your lunch hour, to pamper yourself. Get a French manicure or new hairstyle, color or cut; indulge in a massage or facial, or buy yourself SOMETHING just for you--just don’t mess up your entire budget. You want to pamper yourself, not punish yourself.


2. This is NOT the night to go out to eat—too many couples gazing dreamily across the table at each other. Instead, order your favorite take out or skip dinner and have a huge portion of your favorite dessert. While you’re enjoying your meal, pull out your journal a design your ideal man. Dream big. Write every character trait and every quality you hope he will possess. What better evening to do so than when Cupid is flying around?

3. Another idea for the evening is to plan a girl’s night. Invite over your single gals for dinner and your favorite chick flicks or better yet, reminisce on what did and didn’t work in your previous love life. Share funny dating stories, dating horror stories and warm fuzzy dating stories. In the very least you’ll have a good laugh with your girlfriends. End the evening by having each girlfriend write out exactly what you definitely want in your ideal mate, that way you’ll recognize him when he shows up!


4. My last solo Valentine idea is to grab a friend or boldly go solo to the movie theatre. After all Valentine’s is the perfect night for escapism.

Q: Do you have a website or blog with any of these tips for our audience to check out?

VICTORYA: Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date

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