In two weeks I am going to be attending Book Expo America 2010 (BEA) in New York City.
I will also be attending Book Blogger Con 2010. (Thanks so much to the anonymous person who sponsored my fee!)
I'm excited because this is only my second time going to NYC (read about my first time here).
But you know what though? Even though I am very excited about going to NYC, seeing all the authors, and meeting all the book bloggers that are going to be there....I am terrified. What am I terrified of? Being alone. That sounds weird doesn't it considering there are going to be a TON of people there. But in all honestly, I'm worried that it's going to be like when you're in a room full of people and you feel totally alone and are the wallflower at the party. This is me being totally open.
I'm really scared that I'm going to go with great expectations and have it fall short. I don't want it to be that way, but already I'm feeling left out. I'm worried that because I mainly review books in a different genre from everyone else I won't fit in. This is normally not a problem, but because I don't normally read a lot of contemporary literary fiction, I feel very left out in those types of conversation because I don't recognize the authors or books. Then it makes me feel like my reading is not up to par with everyone else. I'm worried that I'll either be walking around the exhibition area by myself or tagging along with other people who don't really want me there. I'm scared that I won't get invited to any of the parties afterwards. I'm nervous that I will be the only blogger that none of the publishers and publicists will recognize.
I'm going to BEA on a really tight budget so I can't go to any author breakfasts nor do I think I can afford to be able to ship books back so I will have to limit how many I get. I'm staying with my brother in law in Brooklyn so that saves me A LOT on money. However at the same time, that makes me feel like an outsider because everyone else is staying in Manhattan in hotels, even rooming together for some. This means that every night I have to travel back by subway to Brooklyn while everyone else gets to hang out. People will be able to drop off stuff or even go back to their place during the day to change/shower and I won't be able to. I've filled out some contact forms to meet up with people but even then I'm still terrified that no want will want to hang out with me or everyone else will have already made plans and I'm the last to know.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or I'm going to be a Debbie Downer when I'm there. Honestly I'm really thrilled to go and I'm super excited. I'm just scared of feeling left out. I'm a natural worrier and a pessimist by habit. Also I'm extremely introverted in groups (it might seem different on twitter) so I am not the type of person to jump into a conversation or can table hop. I always feel as if I'm being an inconvenience to others so I tend not to invite myself to go along unless I know I'm really wanted. Hopefully all these feelings will go away.
So all those who are going to BEA and Book Blogger Con, give me all your advice that you think I will need. Help me to not be so scared and worried. Please! :)